I’ve been having the best time of my life lately. Everything has just been so wonderful. Actually, “lately” is an understatement - I have been like this since I can’t even remember when anymore. I don’t know why (or I probably do, haha), but it’s just a feeling I can’t get rid of, NOT THAT I’M COMPLAINING.

Honestly, I really love this feeling. It’s the kind of feeling I wouldn’t mind having for the rest of my life. Like nothing can ever go wrong, and if or when they do, things still remain the same; that everything will be okay, they’re just here for you, they will always be here for you, you can count on them anytime, and that these things happen only to make you stronger.

I guess my love life probably has a lot to do with it. My family, G, my friends, the events in my life, and especially my relationship with God. These are it. These are the reasons behind this “feeling”. Actually, I wouldn’t really singularize it - I think it’s more offeelingS. Like, there is the Extreme happiness.. Excitement.. Love.. Contentment.. Exhilaration.. Liveliness.. Fulfillment.. Comfort.. Chirpiness.. Serenity.. Ease.. Enjoyment.. Thrill.. A sort of charge.. Sparkle.. Bliss.. And the like. They may all fall in the same category of feelings, but nonetheless, there are still differences among them all, and I for one know what they are. It’s completely difficult to explain, but I guess that’s the beauty in it.

The moment you can no longer explain how it is, that is when we start to recognize it’s charm. It’s an amazing reality, these feelings. And I am extremely blessed to have them, and to have them for the rest of my wonderful life. :) 

I’m really enjoying my stay here in this laid-back city, but at the same time I’m extra excited to see my friends back home and share them our fantastic memoirs of our family reunion, the funny stories, the places we’ve been to, etc. 

But most of all, I can’t wait to give someone a hug. Loads of it. Hihihi

“Missing someone gets easier every day, because even though you are one day further from the last time you saw them, you are one day closer to the next time you will.”

I’m kind of realizing that you know you got it bad when you start confusing the fiction with a real loved one. I haven’t been in that kind of love, but hypothetically speaking, it’s the typical not to mention movie cliche crap I-can’t-live-without-you thing, you know? It’s craaaaaazy.

Just two weeks without him made me feel like I’ve been away for so long already.

Man, this must be love…

or simply some sort of deranged attachment to the mundane.

I’m talking with G right now. 2 weeks of not seeing him is really hard specially if things weren’t well when I left.  But it’s so nice to be able to talk to him about whatever, like we’re best friends. We just flirt and laugh and make jokes and tease each other. No pressure to discuss about the complicated things, the relationship and all that. I miss him a lot and I can’t wait to see and hug him. Ugggh. I just want to be in his arms right now. 

Probably there’s a note on my forehead that reads please handle with care: FRAGILE. But just like any other warning, nobody ever really cared.

I believe that all of us are at least once have been wounded. We have been scarred and despite the many times that we cut ourselves open, tried to suture and heal, we are no longer our same self the ever first time we were cut open. The scar endures and has been our reminder of a bitter past.

I have to say that I have a few number of scars that I’ve been nursing. It may be brought about by failed expectations, childhood frustrations, family issues or maybe some matters of a frail heart. 

We were all wounded, one way or another, nobody has started on a clean sheet. we are all flawed, broken and changed.

It is surprising how people judge us for a single mistake that marked our clean slates and never been vindicated from it, despite our best efforts to amend what has been wrongly done.

Life is as easy as cut, suture and close. Nobody has ever started perfectly whole. We were all broken, damaged and flawed. 

Whenever I’m happy, something that’s going to make me unhappy happens. Whenever I’m close to being happy, I think that something bad WILL happen, and so I try my best to be unhappy. My life right now is complete BS. I have nothing about myself to be proud of. I’m bummed, I get into accidents, I spend on unnecessary shit, and I DO NOT know how to budget my money. I’M A COMPLETE FAILURE.

1. I miss the old you.
2. Thank you for everything. Even though I couldn’t say it.
3. Help me please. Help me find the answers.
4. I’m sorry I couldn’t be there for you.
5. I envy you. I wish I could be that happy.
6. Thank you <3 You have no idea how it means to me.
7. I miss the old us. Honestly, it makes me so emotional just thinking about our memories together.
8. I have never met somebody so beautiful on the inside and I really want you to know that.
9. Chill the fuck out, ok?
10. I’m sorry but you’ll have to wait a little more longer. 

Dear Someone,

Probably I’ve waited long enough. I wanted it so bad yet I blew it.

You have no idea how my world has changed since I met you 3 years ago and it just keeps on changing.

I crumbled the walls I tried building all my life to let you in and I despise myself for doing so. Probably, it was just a waste of time. I’d like to think it was a waste of time. For I not to feel the hurt, the pain.

My pain based on my failed expectations.

We’ve been foolishly candid telling each other how we felt and feel, yet it doesn’t make sense.

And so now I know what makes perfect sense…

We shouldn’t feel hurt. We shouldn’t feel anything, even the gentlest prick.

We’re tired of hurting, We’re tired of rejections. We’re tired of my wishful thinking! 

But I know what’s more exhausting – hating you. Hating someone that you can turn to when you feel the world has gone wrong and crashing.

It wasn’t easy letting you in or it isn’t easy crossing you out… But we both know what makes perfect sense.

Best Regards,

Dana

We often tried seeking for the perfect pair on a given day, however most often than not, we find the perfect pair at the least possible moment.

I’ve known men, pragmatically and as defined by books.
I’ve known men and what they want.
I’ve known men and what they are made of.
I’ve known men and their lethargic excuses.
I’ve known men and their cheating ways.
I’ve known men (just like how I’ve known shoes)…

A friend once said, there is no generalization about men, somehow, I believe that. Despite claiming that I’ve known men, it still leaves me quizzical whenever I’m confronted by situations involving them. Just when I thought that I’ve known them, I realized, I still need answers, there’s still a lot to figure out.

Nevertheless, there are patterns and consistencies. There are hunches more often verified and validated. Indeed, it is true that there’s no generalization yet it is because the things which are generally manly varies from one personality to another.

Men are persistent and consistent.
They will try to argue and agree.
They express gestures of care and gentleness.
They transcend messages of love and sarcasm.
They use their heads more often than their brain.
Men are lousy yet profound (or perhaps profoundly lousy.)

I’ve known a few good men, the likes of Jimmy Choo, Manolo Blahnik and Christian Louboutin. Mr. Choo is the Malaysian who makes shiny, elegant, aisle-worthy heels. The Spanish Mr. Blahnik’s crafts whip up change. Mr. Louboutin created something that has broken rules and makes you empowered represented by the red lacquered soles.

Divine. Revolutionary. Defiant.

We seek them for comfort.  We seek them for glamour.

Regardless if  it is Jimmy, Manolo or Christian, regardless how we’ve known them and differ from each other, men are like shoes —- a girl has to have many to determine her favorite

This is exactly me right now. Away from all the dramas and negative people. Ahhhh.

(via thegirlfromdownunder)

After scribbling some notes on my Starbucks 2011 planner, I noticed my long list written on my scratch pad. It reads: GOALS for 2011. Indeed, It was an old list.

There are 13 items enumerated. Three goals were already marked with checks and three were marked with asterisks. I still wonder and trying hard to recall why I’ve written number 8: give people a chance…

So as I get more pensive and pensive every tiring day, I’m actually wondering if there are some who can relate to what I feels and thinks so I could share it with them…

Maybe we like the pain, maybe we are wired that way. Because without it, I don’t know… Maybe we just wouldn’t feel real…

Maybe we’re not supposed to be happy, maybe gratitude has nothing to do with joy. Maybe being grateful is recognizing what we have for what it is… Appreciating small victories… Admiring the struggle it takes to be human.

Maybe we are thankful for the familiar things we know. And may we’ll be thankful for the things we’ll never know. At the end of the day, the fact that we are still be standing is reason enough to celebrate…

As much as I wanted to be vindicated from my crap, I guess it is also in my conscious being falling for the same crap over and over…

“Why do I keep hitting myself with a hammer? Because it feels so good when I stop…”

As earlier said, probably, I’m just screwed…