Let yourself be drawn by the pull of what you really love
I’ve been having the best time of my life lately. Everything has just been so wonderful. Actually, “lately” is an understatement - I have been like this since I can’t even remember when anymore. I don’t know why (or I probably do, haha), but it’s just a feeling I can’t get rid of, NOT THAT I’M COMPLAINING.
Honestly, I really love this feeling. It’s the kind of feeling I wouldn’t mind having for the rest of my life. Like nothing can ever go wrong, and if or when they do, things still remain the same; that everything will be okay, they’re just here for you, they will always be here for you, you can count on them anytime, and that these things happen only to make you stronger.
I guess my love life probably has a lot to do with it. My family, G, my friends, the events in my life, and especially my relationship with God. These are it. These are the reasons behind this “feeling”. Actually, I wouldn’t really singularize it - I think it’s more offeelingS. Like, there is the Extreme happiness.. Excitement.. Love.. Contentment.. Exhilaration.. Liveliness.. Fulfillment.. Comfort.. Chirpiness.. Serenity.. Ease.. Enjoyment.. Thrill.. A sort of charge.. Sparkle.. Bliss.. And the like. They may all fall in the same category of feelings, but nonetheless, there are still differences among them all, and I for one know what they are. It’s completely difficult to explain, but I guess that’s the beauty in it.
The moment you can no longer explain how it is, that is when we start to recognize it’s charm. It’s an amazing reality, these feelings. And I am extremely blessed to have them, and to have them for the rest of my wonderful life. :)
Underwater shots I took of the cousins during one of our swimming sesh.
I know I’ve been neglecting my Tumblr.
One giant post comin’ up.
It’s so hard to change my thrill seeking habits.
When you do bad things, people call you a rebel. They say you have problems. But have they ever thought that some do it for the sheer thrill and enjoyment of doing these things?
Yeah, maybe there is an under-lying problem within me that I just can’t seem to find, or maybe I sneaked out, coming home from a night out or a friends house at 4 in the morning, completely plastered.
Either way, I do bad things, and no matter how many times I get in trouble for them, or how many people scold me for doing them, I’m going to do them anyway. All I wanted to do was to get away for a bit. That was it.
This is sort of like a weekend rant.
Dad thinks I’ve been going out too much lately. True. But that’s only because he probably got used to the girl who spent 2 years working so hard, then decided to take MBA, rarely partied or went out at night or during the day except if it was on a date with mom, RR or cousins and even then I’d be home by 1am, sometimes even earlier. Yeah, that was pretty much my life for 2 years and as much fun that was, I was practically robbed of my social life. I don’t regret a thing, of course. I still had one of the best times with said people but I definitely missed out on socializing with different people, with my best friends, with new found friends.
I spent 2 years cooped up in my own little world that I missed out on what a 23 year old girl should experience. Partying all night, having no care in the world, going home late, sleeping when the sun rises and getting up at 4PM, hangovers, meeting boys, etc etc. And so now I’m trying to catch up on all the years I missed out on. I don’t think dad quite understands that. I texted my mom asking for her take on the issue, but she’s been really bitchy and PMS-ing like crazy lately… She wasn’t been more supporting about my new found social life, though. She was the one who was always telling me to explore my options and see what the world has to offer and I wish I listened to her back then. Moms really do know best.
My universe will never be the same.
Dear Someone,
Probably I’ve waited long enough. I wanted it so bad yet I blew it.
You have no idea how my world has changed since I met you 3 years ago and it just keeps on changing.
I crumbled the walls I tried building all my life to let you in and I despise myself for doing so. Probably, it was just a waste of time. I’d like to think it was a waste of time. For I not to feel the hurt, the pain.
My pain based on my failed expectations.
We’ve been foolishly candid telling each other how we felt and feel, yet it doesn’t make sense.
And so now I know what makes perfect sense…
We shouldn’t feel hurt. We shouldn’t feel anything, even the gentlest prick.
We’re tired of hurting, We’re tired of rejections. We’re tired of my wishful thinking!
But I know what’s more exhausting – hating you. Hating someone that you can turn to when you feel the world has gone wrong and crashing.
It wasn’t easy letting you in or it isn’t easy crossing you out… But we both know what makes perfect sense.
Best Regards,
Dana
Won’t let you control me.
Forcing my self to sleep, but I can’t. I was lying in bed for like an hour, trying to sleep, trying not to try, but I just wouldn’t fall asleep. My mind was racing but there wasn’t anything I was thinking of. How fucking weird is that? I’ve been staying up really late this past few days doing nothing until I get tired. I over-think. I write. I over-think. I write. This is just exhausting cycle. I make promises. I break them the next day. I don’t know why I just can’t have any self-control…
Why is it so hard for me to not do something, especially when I know I really should? Why do I let it control me instead of I controlling it? I promise tomorrow will be different. I won’t let it take over. I will make the right decisions, I will have self-control.
My days just keeps getting better every day.
“Every day, in every way, I’m getting better and better”
“Tous les jours à tous points de vue je vais de mieux en mieux”
I’ve just been so happy lately, I can’t even describe it. The year just started and all, but I’m seriously loving it. There are times when I actually could not stop smiling and giggling, no matter how hard I try to stop. Haha. It’s like, the smile is glued to my face. It’s just this extraordinary feeling that’s fixed in me; the kind of feeling that doesn’t just go away, even when some things go wrong sometimes. It’s still there. And I’m loving it… It feels so awesome! Awesome is even starting to become an understatement. But no matter how much I try to describe or explain the feeling, I don’t think anyone would really understand, unless they’re going through the exact same feeling. :) And I just wish that it’s something that can actually be given or at the very least shared, because it definitely is, not one of the best, but the best feeling in the world! I love it omggg hahaha. I AM SO BLISSFUL! ♥
A Girl Can Never Have Too Many Shoes
We often tried seeking for the perfect pair on a given day, however most often than not, we find the perfect pair at the least possible moment.
I’ve known men, pragmatically and as defined by books.
I’ve known men and what they want.
I’ve known men and what they are made of.
I’ve known men and their lethargic excuses.
I’ve known men and their cheating ways.
I’ve known men (just like how I’ve known shoes)…
A friend once said, there is no generalization about men, somehow, I believe that. Despite claiming that I’ve known men, it still leaves me quizzical whenever I’m confronted by situations involving them. Just when I thought that I’ve known them, I realized, I still need answers, there’s still a lot to figure out.
Nevertheless, there are patterns and consistencies. There are hunches more often verified and validated. Indeed, it is true that there’s no generalization yet it is because the things which are generally manly varies from one personality to another.
Men are persistent and consistent.
They will try to argue and agree.
They express gestures of care and gentleness.
They transcend messages of love and sarcasm.
They use their heads more often than their brain.
Men are lousy yet profound (or perhaps profoundly lousy.)
I’ve known a few good men, the likes of Jimmy Choo, Manolo Blahnik and Christian Louboutin. Mr. Choo is the Malaysian who makes shiny, elegant, aisle-worthy heels. The Spanish Mr. Blahnik’s crafts whip up change. Mr. Louboutin created something that has broken rules and makes you empowered represented by the red lacquered soles.
Divine. Revolutionary. Defiant.
We seek them for comfort. We seek them for glamour.
Regardless if it is Jimmy, Manolo or Christian, regardless how we’ve known them and differ from each other, men are like shoes —- a girl has to have many to determine her favorite
There’s no other way to escape.
After scribbling some notes on my Starbucks 2011 planner, I noticed my long list written on my scratch pad. It reads: GOALS for 2011. Indeed, It was an old list.
There are 13 items enumerated. Three goals were already marked with checks and three were marked with asterisks. I still wonder and trying hard to recall why I’ve written number 8: give people a chance…
So as I get more pensive and pensive every tiring day, I’m actually wondering if there are some who can relate to what I feels and thinks so I could share it with them…
Maybe we like the pain, maybe we are wired that way. Because without it, I don’t know… Maybe we just wouldn’t feel real…
Maybe we’re not supposed to be happy, maybe gratitude has nothing to do with joy. Maybe being grateful is recognizing what we have for what it is… Appreciating small victories… Admiring the struggle it takes to be human.
Maybe we are thankful for the familiar things we know. And may we’ll be thankful for the things we’ll never know. At the end of the day, the fact that we are still be standing is reason enough to celebrate…
As much as I wanted to be vindicated from my crap, I guess it is also in my conscious being falling for the same crap over and over…
“Why do I keep hitting myself with a hammer? Because it feels so good when I stop…”
As earlier said, probably, I’m just screwed…
In this world full of fake people, you’ll be lucky to find genuine, trustworthy girlfriends. I’m glad I did. Those you can’t question their hearts and intentions; no buts, just pure friendship.
